Home is where the Himay is

2010-03-01T16:00:00.000-08:00

Until it hit me- the sensations of anger, sadness, feeling partially estranged. I couldn't put my finger on what was so wrong. A rare moment of solidarity and silence was all it took for me to sort it out and finally, diagnose myself. As I had been working vigorously on my insurmountable course work, I press the pause button when my family calls me on skype. Within moments of the first "hello", my eyes water up and my voice begins to quiver. I couldn't quite say why I was an emotional wreck, because I myself was unsure.

When times of reality hit, such as an instance like this one, I find these are the times where I am most real and honest with myself. It wasn't only that looming nostalgia that's been with me since August- it's fear of depleting faith, fear of succumbing to various temptations and the struggle to find God in all these situations. Why is it all so hard? I know I'm not the only one who is dealing with this. Life is hard, life brings challenges, life is a pain in the ass sometimes. But, everything is so worth it if you learn to stick close to God.

Challenges of all sorts have faced me over the past few months- how to deal with unconquerable amounts of homework; smoking hooka or even how to deal with extreme lack of sleep, for heaven's sake. As minute as these all may seem, they take a toll on you- and through it all, it's easy to loose sight of what's most important.

I'm tryin' to keep my eye on the prize and not loose what matters most.

call me a tree hugger..

2010-01-14T07:46:00.000-08:00

They're cutting down the poor trees in front of Witmer!

2009-12-18T22:13:00.001-08:00

2009-11-14T20:41:00.000-08:00

no matter how I may be feeling on any given day, the

brilliant sounds of Sufjan Stevens always seem to

comfort my soul.

a little zen moment

2009-10-27T15:59:00.000-07:00

It's a rainy evening and I take a stroll outside, apathetic to the rain.

Umbrella-less, it doesn't matter. The cool rain is landing on my

face, and actually, it's quite refreshing. Each drop that lands on me is bringing a smile to my face. Perhaps it's the most rejuvenating thing I've felt after a long day of classes and work. Rushing from one thing to the next, there's always been more to do. A break feels nice. Absorbing this rare moment of peace, my mind still continues to work, even though the rest of my body has relaxed. As I'm walking, I am reflecting on some words my professor told my class: "you are all on the horizon of the known". At first, I didn't understand. What's that mean? Thinking about it, I'm advancing towards what I know is out there. Here I am in Grantham, Pennsylvania. I present myself to you as a young college student, avidly seeking to become something great. To better myself by what I learn here and to almost, become a baby again- to absorb everything around me and to learn by what I am shown. I'm on a continuous quest for finding who I am and what I will become- and somehow, that's okay with me. For now, I am squinting my eyes to see what's ahead and even without glasses, at least I can tell it's bright.

home from college

2009-10-24T08:25:00.000-07:00

There was one day, somewhat recently, where I had an over-abundant urge to hug my dogs. Really, it was the only thing I wanted to do- just hug my dogs. As weird and childish as it may seem, embracing them makes me feel at home. And when you're away at college, well... you start to miss those small things you took for granted when you lived at home. My divergent longings have not only extended towards wanting to hug my two dogs.. but they have far surpassed that. I've come to a crazy realization of how much I miss being woken up by my dog, Chex in the morning, instead of brandon heath's muffled singing voice from my cell phone. Interestingly enough, I sort of miss Chex's high pitched whining in my ear at 6 in the morning. sort of.

Never before have I been more grateful for my dad's cups of tea. Seriously, Lottie Nelson's caffeine products just haven't been cutting it. It was a glorious morning this past week to have been woken up to a fresh cuppa under my nose, the smell of that perfect cup of tea wafting under my nostrils. The warmth it provided for my chilled body- since I seem to have trouble retaining any sort of body heat (ever).

The family dinners- gathered around our quaint round table. To be together.. there's really nothing better.

Nothing quite like waking up in the morning, jumping out of bed, and having the smell of pumpkin pancakes drift up the stairway from the kitchen.

I love being home.

Passion

2009-10-17T23:15:00.000-07:00

My brain has been stretched farther than ever before.

To think creatively in such a way that any creation of mine will stand out among others, that will pop out, say something, catch the eye of onlookers. To think like this and work quickly.

For the first time in my life- I'm being asked (for a grade) to do what I love.

a n d i t i s w o n d e r f u l .

Some may chose to have stress override original and innocent passion- believe it, it's happened to me. Where the question "why the heck am I even doing this" dominates your thinking. You can't get past how annoying or tedious your task is.

but try looking at the bigger picture. you're doing this because it is what you love. and if it's what you love, why not go ahead and fully captivate yourself with it. learn every detail there is to know about it.

Don't loose sight of that original passion. hold on to it, because it's gonna be a long ride, my friends. and that passion may be the only thing that'll carry you through.

2009-09-04T10:04:00.001-07:00

I'm pretty sure I need to invest in a bed like this..

messiah.

2009-09-01T21:56:00.000-07:00

It's been just about a week, and where has the time gone? It's flyin' by faster than

I even thought it would.

I'm slowly yet safely declaring Messiah College as my absolute right choice.

For the first time in my life, I'm surrounded by students and teachers in school that are mostly of the same like-mindedness as myself... and it's AWESOME.

Today was my first day of classes. As busy and tiresome as it all was.. I really enjoyed it. I've never been able to experience a classroom setting where the teacher openly discusses the Bible with students, and I'm thanking God I got to experience that today for the 1st time.

Not only that, but the friendships that are forming are a blessing. Really. For example- my friend Chimene is a photographer. We've done things together like editing and photoshoots and hanging out.. overall just enjoying the company of one another. It's so fantastic to just hang with her cause she's so cool! I'm thanking God for our new friendship.

Even more, my roomie Nina and I are getting along really well! We've become good friends, and I'm really just blessed to have been given such a wonderful roommate. That doesn't always happen for everyone in college...but I guess I'm just lucky.

Overall things are great, aside from a slight caffeine withdrawal headache every now and again. The community here is greater than anything I expected..

How can every aspect of things at college be so good? I guess it's just a God thing.

time is winding down

2009-08-21T19:26:00.000-07:00

So my days here in the jerz are winding down for the time.. as I pack it up to the state of Pennsylvania. Not so much frightening...rather a sad separation from the familiar. Feeling impartial to it all for the most part, but it'll hit me at the weirdest times. IM LEAVING HOME.

Not something I'm afraid of, but not something I'm totally enthused over, either. It's gonna be a totally new environment with new people and new opportunities. I'll be left without the familiar comforts of home-made tea and nights of gathering around the tv to watch another episode of dog the bounty hunter with the family.. but that doesn't mean things like that are gone forever.

In fact, once I'm home from college I believe simple moments like those will be cherished and appreciated even more than they are now.

I've been told to always try new things. And I am totally for that. So here I come Messiah College.

passion

2009-08-11T19:15:00.000-07:00

Passion: the opposite of apathy.

a day of slight self-evaluation-

I tend to be on the insane side when it comes to running.

Not that I overdo workouts, but its crucial that every day

I get my run in, or else I better give myself a darn good excuse

as to why it's not possible to run that day.

I take my camera with me everywhere. It's a love relationship

I have with an inanimate object.. and our love shall never die.

photography is transitioning from hobby to obsession.

I love my dogs and all animals with every ounce of compassion

thats bottled up inside me. Every time I see them my heart melts

into a squishy ball of fluff and the 'baby talk' flows from my lips like

I'm under some sort of spell. It may be weird, but I really love my dogs. a lot.

Its safe to assume that I love many things.. and its all made possible

because it's backed by passion. Without passion, there'd be only apathy.

and having just apathy would be totally lame.

Have stress?

2009-08-07T20:40:00.000-07:00

Today was wonderful. Until I went to work and was

slammed with amounts of stress that (for me) topped the charts.

To the point where you feel like crawling up in a ball and crying. Maybe I need

to get a hold of my emotions, but I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed

when I got approached by one angry women who wanted me to miraculously solve

a huge issue she was having. I felt as though she was expelling every drop of

anger she was feeling onto me, and I was unable to give her the answer she was

looking for.

Sometimes I feel as though I do the same thing to God. It's like I come running

to him and spew out all my harsh feelings, and expect him to answer me

right away with a solution to my problems. Truth is, it just doesn't work that way.

What would make him wanna help me, when all I'm doing is approaching him with revulsion and impatience? God wants to help me, he wants to help all of us... but we have to go

to him in a different state of mind. Sure we may be angry or stressed over certain things.. and that is to be expected. But if we're looking for an answer, well, I think God asks for us to not worry, because he's got it covered. He wants to talk, in fact, he craves conversation with us. But it's easier to communicate when you're not in a choleric state of mind. God will listen and respond if we abide by what he asks of us. Don't expel hate towards God for your problems. Instead, talk about them with him. He's always there to listen.

Thinking Outside the Box

2009-08-04T11:18:00.000-07:00

An entertaining little video, which I thoroughly enjoyed. So now I'm sharing it with all of you.

outside the box from joseph Pelling on Vimeo.

2009-07-27T20:28:00.001-07:00

Be made new in the attitude of your mind.

2009-07-26T20:44:00.000-07:00

Learn to wait on God, even when life seems unfair.

Why is this so hard for me? Why is it so hard for all of us?

We don't have the option as to whether or not we want to wait.

Because it's all up to God. God is in control of every aspect of our very

being, whether we choose to accept that as fact or not. He has perfect

timing for all things, which makes me feel just a tad bit better over just

about everything going on in my life. Although I say I know He's in control,

I tend to neglect that fact more than just often. In fact, its practically all

the time. For me, I worry and fret over so much, its bordering ridiculous.

Take today for example: I have to drive myself home from Morristown at

night in a thunderstorm. Not such a big deal.. aside from the fact that

driving on the highway makes me extremely nervous! My panic level had

seemingly sky-rocketed by the time I turned the ignition on in the car.

Point being, I wasn't concerned with God at all in that moment. I was focused

on plainly keeping my life safe on my excursion home. But it did hit me, because

after turning the car on, I realized that my safety was, yes, up partially to my

driving skill(z), but it was also in the hands of God. He is in control. simple.

I kind of realize after writing all this that it probably was not the best

example of "waiting" on God.. but it does show that our lives are not ours, and

most of us (myself included) need to just give our worries to Him. Why worry

so much about what's to happen, when we really have no control over it? God

will let you know what's going to happen when it does.

2009-07-23T20:07:00.001-07:00

I wish I could capture the beauty of the world

if only I would slow down enough to notice it..

rainy days

2009-07-21T20:32:00.000-07:00

Those days where you can sit and listen to the rain with a cup of tea

in your hands are the best.

2009-07-15T19:56:00.000-07:00

I sat there listening to a message in youth group about what it's like to actually hear God.. and how sometimes He speaks to you not as just some loud voice in your head, but rather through experiences or encounters with things. I couldn't help but think of the time in Baltimore when I sat on the dock and watched the sun set over the water.. how could such beauty be created from nothing? Truth is, it can't. It's really all God. He created it for my enjoyment.. and that is
so awesome!

Don't be afraid

2009-07-13T20:25:00.000-07:00

A bit of wisdom from the guy upstairs...

"Peace I leave with you;my peace I give you. I do not give to you
like the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not
be afraid".
John 14:27

2009-07-13T13:14:00.000-07:00

I think this is one of the phenomenal things..ever.

First Entry!

2009-07-12T20:22:00.000-07:00

How exhilirating... the first entry!

I'm not sure where to begin..
So many things have consumed my mind lately, I figured
a blog is the best way to release all the cooped up thoughts
that have been flooding my brain.

I just got back from Baltimore on a mission trip with my church.
It was extravagantly fantastic, in that we were able to impact people
down there in ways I suppose only God knew was possible.

Although the housing was not luxury.. tiled floors of a church with a
dinky blanket at night to keep warm, I reflect back on it and think to
myself that, if I were given the chance to continue work down in Baltimore
for longer than this past allotted week, I would sleep on that hard floor
every single night if I had to.
Something that happens to me after seemingly each missions trip I go
on is when at the end of the trip I find myself on the free day, unable to
laugh like I usually do, or even talk that much. What I do find myself doing
is having a silent debate with God as to why I should be allowed to have
any sort of fun or freedom when the place I just left is still suppressed by
brokenness and pain? What I've come to realize is that God has blessed me
with a desire to serve the world.. and that it's alright for me to have fun
sometimes and experience things after a time of hard work. I'm assured that
God won't hate me for "resting" on the final day. After all, He did the same.