Until it hit me- the sensations of anger, sadness, feeling partially estranged. I couldn't put my finger on what was so wrong. A rare moment of solidarity and silence was all it took for me to sort it out and finally, diagnose myself. As I had been working vigorously on my insurmountable course work, I press the pause button when my family calls me on skype. Within moments of the first "hello", my eyes water up and my voice begins to quiver. I couldn't quite say why I was an emotional wreck, because I myself was unsure.
When times of reality hit, such as an instance like this one, I find these are the times where I am most real and honest with myself. It wasn't only that looming nostalgia that's been with me since August- it's fear of depleting faith, fear of succumbing to various temptations and the struggle to find God in all these situations. Why is it all so hard? I know I'm not the only one who is dealing with this. Life is hard, life brings challenges, life is a pain in the ass sometimes. But, everything is so worth it if you learn to stick close to God.
Challenges of all sorts have faced me over the past few months- how to deal with unconquerable amounts of homework; smoking hooka or even how to deal with extreme lack of sleep, for heaven's sake. As minute as these all may seem, they take a toll on you- and through it all, it's easy to loose sight of what's most important.
I'm tryin' to keep my eye on the prize and not loose what matters most.